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[Friday, May/27/05 at 8:09pm ] |
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He wasn't ~ Avril Lavigne |
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Today was sucky. At the same time, it was good though. Zac decided to ditch me today, and this wouldn't be the first time it's happend so I think I'm going to break up with him. Besides, I've found a boy that I really like and likes me back. Bobby (he was supposed to graduate this year, but isn't.) He's a hottie let me tell you. That kid is so much fun to be around, and I guess he's liked me for a while but just hasn't said anything because I've always been with some other guy. But today during the whole award thing we kinda told each other about how we felt and ya, I think we're going to go out.
You know, I thought I liked Zac a lot, and when we first started going out everything was so perfect, but latley his attitude has changed so dramatically and I'm just not as comfortable around him as I used to be. I was always there for him when he needed me but he, for some reason, couldn't do the same for me.
I talked to a really good friend about this today, and he said that it's almost like Zac has no emotions whatsoever, and I totally get where he was coming from with that. It's like he could kill 12 kids and walk away not feeling anything at all. What does that make him? Careless? Numb? Or just someone trying to act tough? I don't know. It's so crazy, just how much he really doesn't care about anything.
I thought that if me and Zac broke up then I would feel bad about cheating on Zach K. with him because I thought it would seem like it wasn't even worth it and I made a huge mistake. But, oddly enough, that's not the case. It was worth it completely. I loved every second of our relationship when he wasn't so moody and seemed to really care about me and I think that that's what matters most. I know what I like in a guy and what I don't and Zac just isn't what I'm really looking for, at least not anymore. But I do find a lot of things I like in Bobby, I pretty much always have liked him ever since I met the guy. So yeah, I will let you know what happens between us once I get all this other shit taken care of. Peace out!
Kris
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[Wednesday, May/25/05 at 5:55pm ] |
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Holiday ~ Green Day |
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I'M SO HAPPY!!! Omg this weekend is going to be so much fun. Graduation weekend...hells yeah!
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| I only hope that I won't dissapoint you...while I'm down here on my knees... |
[Saturday, May/14/05 at 10:41am ] |
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Bong Tokin Alcoholics ~ Kottonmouth Kings&ICP |
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Well, I suppose I should let everyone know what's going on with me. Me and Zach Kundinger are officially broken up. At first I was really upset about it but I'm the one that fucked up the relationship so I guess I shouldn't feel too surprised that he doesn't want me anymore. Besides, a lot of people agree that some of the things Zach did could very easily drive anyone away from him. Some of you don't know what I'm talking about but I know Nikki and Mandy do.
So yeah, I stayed single for about a day or two and then Zac Bruehling asked me out. So now me and him are together and so far everythings been going really good for us. I was at his house last night and we had a lot of fun. Today I'm hoping I can find a way to get to phillips to go see him and I'm pretty sure dad will take me because he was happy with me that I've brought my grades up and I was home when I was supposed to be last night.
So yeah, I've been doing good since me and Zach broke up, better than I ever would've thought I would. It's funny, sometimes life can surprise you. The things you think you can't live without can sometimes play a major part in the things that hurt you the most. I figured that out when we broke up. I know we always seemed so happy but there were so many things wrong with that relationship and evenutally we just became comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. My first entry on this livejournal is when I should've called it off with Zach. If you read it, you'll understand. I could've gone about leaving him a little nicer and sometimes I hate myself for what I did to him but I know that being apart is the way that it has to be.
But I'm gunna stop here so I can call my boyfriend and see what we're doing today. Peace!
Kris
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| It doesn't mean anything at all... |
[Monday, May/2/05 at 9:22am ] |
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Sweet Surrender ~ Sarah McLaughlin |
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It doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home
And sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
You take me in
no questions asked
you strip away the ugliness
that surrounds me
are you an angel
am I already that gone
I only hope
that I won't disappoint you
when I'm down here
on my knees
And sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
Sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
And I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
I miss the little things
I miss everything (about you)
It doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
And sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
That song could describe how I feel right now. Something totally wrong is going on and I can't stop it. I feel like crying but I can't because I don't want to get mascara all over my face cause it would look weird. I just want to slowly dissappear. I can't take this anymore I'm about to break. I have therapy tomorrow (yes, therapy, *rolls eyes*) so hopefully I will be able to talk about this and get some advice. I culd really use some of that right now. Advice. Obviously I can't make it through this on my own, so yeah, I need help. I don't like going to therapy. I suppose the envirmonment is just a little bit overwhelming, seeing as how her office thing is in a church. Yuck. Anyone that knows me even the slightest bit knows that I hate religion. So yeah, it's kinda shitty. But my therapist is nice. It's a girl this time, not that it matters but I've never had a girl therapist. It's always been some dude being like "Mmmhmm mmk and how does that make you feel?" At least she isn't as boring as the other ones I've talked to. But yeah, I just feel like shit. But I'm going to stop here. Peace.
Kris
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| I hope to lose myself for good, I hope to find it in the end...not in me, in you.... |
[Thursday, Apr/28/05 at 9:13am ] |
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Starless ~ Crossfade |
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Holy fucken shit balls!! I haven't updated this in a looong time. A lot has happened sense my last entry. My brother Joey came up for a while, he's such a crack head. We didn't fight like we did last time he came up, he wasn't as much of a jackass this time, so I was happy about that. He keeps trying to get me to quit smoking. Hell no. My cigarettes are what has kept me from going completely ape shit and doing something I'd end up regreting in the near future. But yeah, he's back in rhode island now. I miss him but I'll be visiting him and my mom this summer.
Zach's moved into his apartment! YAY!!!! It was a shit hole but we fixed it up nice. I guess all the apartments there were shit holes before people fixed them up. But I'm so proud of Zach, he's finally decided to grow up and do something with his life and that makes me really happy. Me and Mandy go over there every day and clean because otherwise nothing would ever get done, and we've been decorating it and making it look perdy. AND zach has a super nintendo! That thing is the shit. We go over there and play it for hours on end after school, it's so much fun, and it's addicting. But everytime I die I get so pissed off, omg. Hahaha.
Well, bells gunna ring soon so i gotta go. Peace
Kris
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| We're just like those condom wrappers: used up, torn up, thrown away... |
[Monday, Apr/18/05 at 10:08pm ] |
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I hope You Die ~ Bloodhound Gang |
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Okay, I'm starting to tear up. And this is none of that fake tears shit that I could pull. This is serious. My mom is the stupidest bitch in the whole world. I can't make her stop acting the way that she does. Shit, what the fuck is wrong with her? I mean after all these years you'd think a person could move on with their life, get over the past and just fucking let go. But she won't. She is just a pathetic whore. She thinks that screwing every guy she meets is going to keep her from going insane. Which, by the looks of it, she's already pretty fucked up. And then she has the nerve to call me and tell me about how she can provide a much better life for me out in Rhode Island than in the wonderful little shit whole I'm living in now. That's some bullshit. That's like choosing between a millin fucking dollars or chopping my own fingers off one by one. The choice is so obvious. I mean, this town sucks. But I don't want to go back to a whore of a mom that barely spends any time at home because she's too busy fucking some random guy. I'd rather stay here in this hell hole with my boyfriend and my friends and a dad that cares about me, thank you very much.
Mom: You. Just. Suck.
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| sometimes I feel so worthless, sometimes I feel discarded...I wish that I was good enough. |
[Monday, Apr/18/05 at 9:12am ] |
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In the shadow of the valley of death ~ Marilyn Manson |
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In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death ~ Marilyn Manson
We have no future
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be the king
then I'd know that I am not alone
Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone
Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all
she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
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hate_eternal420's journal
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NEW JOURNAL BITCHES!! I won't be updating this one any more for personal reasons. My new journal is 
